Friday, May 25, 2012

The Plan

May 21, 2011. The day I found out I was pregnant.
But the story doesn't start there. No, it starts back in December of 2010. We had been married about six months and were so content being us.

Christmas lights, December 2010

We were our own little family. Just the two of us, goofing off and being silly. Getting to know each other, and growing in our love. Life was hard, but it was great; we had each other.

Silly times, just being us

It was that December that I started feeling different; I started thinking. I had been taking birth control and then one day thoughts twirled in my head, like a ballerina. My doctor said if I missed a day, I could get pregnant. I started thinking of all the ways those hormones could affect a baby if I did get pregnant while on the pill. I started thinking of all the ways they were affecting my body and I decided I needed to stop. I didn't even think of the possibility of having a baby at that time; our plan was to finish my degree before we started having kids.

That right there should have tipped me off that things wouldn't go our way. We had a plan, and it obviously wasn't the one Heavenly Father had for us. Funny how things change just when you think you have it all planned out.

Fast forward to the spring of 2011. My dearest, and most favorite uncle had found out he was sick. He had terminal cancer so far advanced and he wouldn't live much longer. In his last month or so of life, he wasn't very lucid but I imagine very close to the veil. Dallin and I went to visit him one day, to listen to his words of wisdom one last time. He asked us about kids and when we were going to start having them. I answered that we were thinking not until school was done. It was then that he pulled me close and said, "There are kids waiting for you, don't put them off." Something else pulled at me when he said that; a yearning for kids. But still, I dismissed the thought and kept to my plan of when school was over.

Spring 2011

I dismissed the thought just as I did weeks earlier in church during a hymn. I felt like my kiddos were there, begging me to see them, begging me to bring them home. I turned to Dallin and said something about having a baby. He laughed, and I did too. We had a plan.

We kept along our plan, and had more fun. We escaped to California for an early anniversary trip and had a blast. Just the two of us, our little family. It was great, but not quite complete. Which brings us back to May 2011. I was late, and I knew. Dallin wasn't so sure, so we ran to the store to grab a test.

Pregnant. The words stared back at me, and I was a whirlwind of emotion. Scared. Excited. Confused. Nervous. Elated. I could hardly believe it, and with shaking hands I called my mom to tell her the news. We cried, and I had a renewed hope and faith that everything would be okay. That this baby was our miracle. This baby needed to be in our family at that time, for a specific reason. I had faith in this new blueprint for our lives; however, I was still in school and I wanted to finish. I had a plan.

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