Wednesday, March 27, 2013

This one time

I was reading one of my favorite blogs, CJane the other day and was dying laughing at all the embarrassing stories people were sharing. For some reason, I am a magnet to awkward situations and definitely have my share of tales to tell. Here are a few. 

- This one time in fourth grade, I was on a softball team. We were at practice when I realized I had to go to bathroom, and bad. I asked my coach if I could run to the restroom and he told me that practice was almost over, I could hold it. It was also my turn up at bat. I trotted over to home plate while trying to squeeze my legs together (a hilarious sight, I'm sure). I hit a few balls, and thought to myself that maybe I could make it until the end. My coach pitched me one last ball and I swung with all my might. Apparently, all my might meant emptying the contents of my bladder as well. Horrified, I crossed my legs, dropped my bat, and looked up at my coach. He told me to go clean up, and as I was running away red-faced I heard another team mate declare "That is so gross, I am never standing at this home plate again. She peed!" Mortified, I ran to my carpool and explained the situation. I had to sit on paper towels the whole way home, embarrassed as ever. 

- This one time when my husband and I were first dating, we took a day trip to California to go to Six Flags. We were having a blast all day long, riding rides and eating theme park food. At one point during our day, I looked at his tush (guilty!) and noticed he had a huge wad of gum on his rear. For some reason, anything to do with the waist area makes me so embarrassed. Your zipper is down? Forget it, I will turn bright red and loose the motor function of my mouth. I literally cannot tell you when your zipper is down, or if you sat on something. So, when I saw the gum on his bum, I had an inner battle within myself. If I didn't tell him, he could track it everywhere and possibly make a huge mess. On the other hand, if I did tell him he would know I was looking! I decided to take the plunge and discreetly tell him of his sticky misfortune. He twisted and turned, trying to get it off to no avail. He turned to me and said "Can you scrape it off please?" Stunned, I nodded. What else was I supposed to do? He handed me an old credit card and I went at it. I'm sure I turned beet red, my young naive self was touching the bum of a guy I had hardly been dating a month! Needless to say, I was embarrassed as all get out but things turned out in our favor so I guess the sticky situation was worth it in the end. 

- This one time I was THIS close to having my butt grabbed by someone who thought I was his wife. We were both wearing black and had blond hair. He came up close to me then said "Oh, you're not my wife that was almost really bad!" Uh, embarrassing. 

- This one time I put magnetic lights on my nose to pretend I had nose rings, and when I took the lights off the magnets attracted to each other through my nasal septum. They got stuck, and started sliding up my nasal cavity. I had to sheepishly go to my mom and tell her I had magnets stuck up my nose because I was pretending to be a punk rebel with nose piercings. Embarrassing. 

-This one time I was climbing trees with some friends by a creek. I was being all macho and brave to impress them when my feet slipped and I fell ten feet to the ground. Not too bad, but then I realized I landed in a cow pie. I just about died with embarrassment!

I have more, but some are just too embarrassing to share to the world wide web. What about you? Anything embarrassing ever happen to you? What happened? 


  1. Hahaha. Oh my gosh Kristen! These are great! Truth is... We all have to go through those embarrassing moments.. They're just a part of life! Ha. I happen to also be a magnet to embarrassing moments as well. Far too many to leave in your comments! Haha. But I will say that I also have fallen out of a tree (in front of a boy!), and just leave it at that.

  2. This one time, I'm glad I let you guys go home last night or else you would have peed on all of the blankets ;). The gum on the bum story is funny! I bet that's when you guys just "knew" right? I am glad you have so many embarrassing stories. Maybe I just don't get embarrassed or something cause I don't have ANY! I added this blog to my friends lists WOO HOO!!

  3. You know Dallin could totally have gotten that gum off himself, he just wanted you to touch his bum!!! This one time when I was pregnant I was at walmart and needed to use the restroom so I went in and did my business and on the way out a guy walked in and said "what the heck?" Too bad I didn't notice the urinals on the wall when I first walked in. I about died of embarrassment!